Yesterday in Eastbourne the (at least notionally) sole mainstream political party vaguely committed to social democracy – the Liberal Democrats, for those who may have forgotten they existed – turned bright blue, deciding that the best platform on which to fight the next election is “£20 billion of spending cuts and a couple of pence off income tax”.

This is on top of the party’s existing plan to cut £20 billion from public expenditure and take four pence off the basic rate of income tax.

So that’s £40 billion in spending cuts.  Can you imagine the reaction if the Tories threatened that?  (Actually, what am I talking about?  If the Tories threatened that, there would be complete apathy in the streets. Fuck me.)

Of course, nobody’s quite sure how any this is going to be funded, given that the party two years ago ditched its commitment to introduce a 50p tax rate for those earning £100,000 or more annually.

Vince Cable keeps going on about closing “immoral tax loopholes”, but it must be nice to be able to spout bollocks knowing you’ll never have to account for it.  (Which is why I’m a bit surprised Arrivederci Gordon isn’t making the most of his final days in office by announcing some initiatives based on the rejected drafts of David Sutch’s speeches from the Seventies.)

If only Labour would elect as leader a pudgy-faced, pasty posh boy who used to wank over posters of That Bloody Woman (is Mr. Tony still available…?) then I could conscionably stay at home at the next election, secure in the knowledge that my vote really won’t make the slightest bit of difference to the outcome.