I loathe Nickelback.
If I was feeling well enough I would at this point rattle off a couple of hundred words of invective about just how pisspoor the band is and what should happen to them for inflicting their very special brand of double-tracked, steaming horse crap on the world. Unfortunately, we'll have to skip that bit.
I have Absolute Radio on in the background a lot of the time and, for some unfathomable reason, Nickelback get at least a couple of spins of Absolute every day. I've become quite good at blocking them out for these three- or four- minute periods but for some reason when Absolute played Photograph today while I was driving I couldn't manage that feat and for the first time ever I listened to a Nickelback lyric.
Hoe.
Lee.
Shit.
Look at this photograph:
Every time I do it makes me laugh.
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the Hell is on Joey’s head?
This is where I grew up.
I think the present owner fixed it up.
I never knew we ever went without.
The second floor is hard for sneaking out.
This is where I went to school.
Most of the time had better things to do.
Criminal record says I broke in twice -
I must have done it half a dozen times.
I wonder if it’s too late.
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life’s better now than it was back then.
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in.
Kim’s the first girl I kissed.
I was so nervous that I nearly missed.
She’s had a couple of kids since then.
I haven’t seen her since God knows when.
I was weeping with laughter by the end of the "song".
This stuff makes Simon "Don't say you're easy on me/ You're about as easy as a nuclear war" Le Bon look like a fucking lyrical genius.
It's hard to believe that one country can produce lyricists such as, on the one hand, Leonard Cohen and, on the other hand, Nickelback's Chad Kroeger.
In fact, it's hard to believe that Leonard Cohen and Chad Kroeger write in the same language.
In the same week I've discovered Dan Brown and Nickelback lyrics. They say things come in threes, so what does tomorrow hold?