To truly know the Minister, one must first appreciate this.
TV
Hr you people for real?
Regular visitors to the Ministry might envisage the news that the Minister today spent seven hours being “trained” (sic) by HR might result in a splenetic, venal rant about the ineptitude of Human Resources “Professionals” (sic) that would make Malcolm Tucker look like a Benedictine monk.
Mais non, non, non, mes braves.
A day spent being “trained” (sic) by HR is not a day wasted. Far from it.
Today, while being “trained” (sic) by HR on such things as “health and safety” and “how to complete a vacancy recruitment form”, I sketched out chapters two and three of my book AND spent a good 45 minutes gazing into space imagining how the head of HR would look if her blood-drained body had been chopped into 17 pieces.
Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans, I hate work.
Allons enfants…
I sat with a despondent sense of doom (or a doomed sense of despondency) as two unrated unfancied French nobodies, out of their depth at this stage of the competition, M Gasquet and Mlle Bartoli, took on two giants of the game, Mr Roddick and Miss Henin, in their respective singles at SW19 today and immediately started the process of losing very badly, right on cue.
Then, just as it was time for dinner, they went and staved off the inevitable for one moment by taking a set off their illustrious opponents, thereby saving some face and delaying my dinner.
Then….well, then they both won! Well done for knocking cycling off the front of l’Equipe for one day. I’ll print your pictures, because come Sunday, trust me, no-one will remember who you were…
Panic on the streets of Kensington & Chelsea…
1.04pm: this just in from BBC News:
Tories ‘will not change strategy’
There will be “absolutely no change in strategy” by the Conservatives, shadow chancellor George Osborne has said.
Followed at 2.43pm by, er, this from BBC News:
Tories ‘will listen’ over terror
The Tories have promised to “listen to new evidence” for holding terror suspects for longer without charge. Shadow chancellor George Osborne told the BBC his party was open-minded.
Where’s Malcolm Tucker when you need him?
Why don’t you like me? Why don’t you like me?
Mika Brzezinski for Pope.
Tell me about your brilliant new autobiography, Michael
I know this news will come as a crushing blow to at least one contributor to this blog.
So we’ve seen off Burchill and Parky. Why is Nick”y” Fucking Campbell still in employment?
It’s like gold, right, but….sort of, in granular form…
Just occasionally, YouTube reminds you what it’s really good for.
There are few performers capable of having their cover blown to bits, entirely rescuing it, then going on the offensive about it. It’s the combination of danger and virtuoso brilliance that makes Morris so good.
Blinded By The Shite
Bugger me: Derek Draper and Jeremy Kyle together in the same programme, Kyle’s Academy.
And don’t even get me started on Golden Balls.
I’m almost looking forward to going back to work.
Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before
From BBC News:
Emily Parr has been removed from the Big Brother house for using a racially offensive word to another housemate.
The 19-year-old from Bristol was taken out of the compound at 0330 BST and was forbidden from having any further contact with the 11 other contestants.
This week’s eviction vote has been suspended.
A spokeswoman for Channel 4 said that the decision had been taken because “such behaviour won’t be tolerated”.
Channel 4 said the offensive term was not broadcast in the programme during a live stream, and was immediately reported to senior production staff.
Emily said: “Are you pushing it out, you nigger?” to Charley Uchea, while they were dancing in the living room on Wednesday evening.
In consultation with broadcast executives, the decision was taken to remove Emily from the house because she had breached rules governing contestant behaviour. This includes causing serious offence based on the grounds of race.
Angela Jain, head of the Big Brother commissioning team, said: “The word nigger is clearly racially offensive and there was no justification for its use.”
She added: “She [Emily] understands why her involvement has come to an end and she very much regrets what she said.
“I think people watching the show tonight will agree that Emily spoke carelessly rather than maliciously – certainly Charley and Nicky, the two housemates most directly involved in the conversation with her, seemed to accept that she did.”
Er, are you sure about that, Ms. Jain?
Indian-born Nicky Maxwell, who was also present, said to Emily: “Erm, I can’t believe you just said that.”
Charley said “You are in trouble”, adding she was “in shock”.
Emily replied: “Don’t make a big thing out of it… I was joking.”
From the Channel 4 Big Brother website:
Name: Emily
Age: 19
Home: Bristol
Job: Student/Waitress
Starsign: Aries
Status: SingleFashionable drama student, Emily is an indie chick with the heart of a middle-class politician who has no time for those who don’t live up to her high standards. She’d like to write for Vogue, having given up her dream of becoming a fashion designer because she can’t sew. She’s hoping to find a gorgeous indie rocker man in the house.
Life Philosophy: “Live life to the fullest, like it’s your last. Enjoy what’s around you and what’s given to you.”
Likes: Fashion, drama, parties, new rave music, the Sims.
Dislikes: People who tell white lies, are ignorant or deliberately stupid.
Self-hatred can be terribly debilitating.
It’s 30, 50, 60 [cue tongue]
At this time of night the slightest thing can make me laugh, like the web forum discussions entitled “Top 5 Most Annoying Things Jeremy Kyle Does” and “Jeremy Kyle – why is he such a tosser?”
I introduced my 60-year-old father to Jezza’s programme this morning. He wasn’t impressed by my suggestion that we should get a DNA test done, just to be on the safe side.
Paul Snowball has successfully sold me the car.
Though I’m making him replace the cam belt first.
And no, I don’t know what a cam belt is. But UsedCarExpert.co.uk does.