Being newly unemployed, as I am, I have seen a lot of daytime TV this week.
One of the storylines in Neighbours at the moment is about two babies being swapped at birth.
Which got me thinking…
Are they in some way related? I think we should be told.
TV
“It does me good like it bloody well should.”
Maybe they’ve realised that they’re a minority interests channel and this particular activity therefore doesn’t fit within their remit…?
Channel 4 has postponed transmission of its “wank week” programming in a bid to avoid further controversy in the aftermath of the Celebrity Big Brother racism row.
The network’s short season of three late night documentaries about masturbation was to have been broadcast next month, but has now been taken out of the schedule.
They are expected to be broadcast at a later date, but it is understood they may be broadcast separately and certainly not as part of a branded wank week season.
There is said to be concern at senior levels within Channel 4 about the negative publicity the masturbation documentaries have already attracted.
Hackney
How journalism works, part 93592.
It was the classic Mail on Sunday double-page spread: “Shot and pushed in a ditch … How the Nazis slaughtered all but one of Natasha’s family”.
The feature told the story of BBC presenter Natasha Kaplinsky’s family, and how her grandfather Itzak was the only survivor.
However, the BBC has taken issue with one or two minor points in the story.
The corporation says that Itzak was not in fact Natasha’s grandfather.
And that it isn’t true that all of the rest of her family were killed.
And that it also isn’t true that those who did die were slaughtered in one mass execution by the Nazis at Slonim in Poland.
And just to ensure that the BBC completely disputes the story from the outset, the corporation has told the Mail on Sunday that it is far from certain that those family members who did die were “shot and pushed in a ditch”.
I’m glad we’ve got that cleared up.
Karma Police
I’m just trying to be a better person: my name is Earl.
Former S Club singer Jo O’Meara sold her story to the Sunday Mirror but the paper offered her no sympathy. Her agent Tony Fox died of a heart attack the day the hostile interview appeared.
“If this is today’s UK, it’s scary.”
I don’t think I have ever pitied another human being as much as I did Shilpa Shetty last night when she was ignominously delivered to the studio of Big Brother’s Big Mouth and assailed for 45 minutes by a torrent of ill-mannered, foul-mouthed innuendo bellowed at her by Russell Brand, The World’s Most Pointless Man (TM).
Still, at least he didn’t call her Shilpa Shitty, eh?
Join the Army, See the World, Meet Interesting People and Smoke All Their Dope
Premiership football has been responsible, among other phenomena, for… match analysts in Argentina breaking into Beatles’ songs during play. Every time George McCartney plays for West Ham (all of whose games are now live in Argentina, since Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano signed), Argentine commentators are keen to remind viewers he has two Beatles’ names rolled into his, which provides the perfect excuse for singing the group’s numbers.
Sonic Boom Bang A Bang Boy
That’s it. I’m off. I’m emigrating.
This is just getting silly.
Crash, bang, wallop
Today’s Caption Competition: what is Marti thinking?
How about: “I gave up smack for THIS?”
Where did it all go wrong?
June Sarpong has been awarded an MBE for services to broadcasting.
That’s JUNE SARPONG and SERVICES TO BROADCASTING in the same sentence.
Happy New Year.
SPotY? Not Zara
It occurred to me whilst watching the BBC Sports Personality of the Year show that 2 hours of watching highlights of minor sports and brief highlights of major ones (pictures courtesy of Sky Sports) is a long time to wait to find out the name of the big winner. And the results can sometimes be a little disappointing.
With that in mind, one wonders, does Zara Philips not have an agent or a minder who could have suggested that she have a brief speech prepared? A lot of the horsey fraternity at the SPotY show looked somewhat embarrassed by her vacuous ramblings, none more than Mike “Pentonville Prison Face” Tindall. If you’re winning a prize based on being a personality, it doesn’t really do to fall at the first hurdle.
Paul Sculthorpe, captain of Saint Helens (team of the year) perhaps understandably, given the enormity of what the Ryder Cup team achieved in a sporting context, didn’t have anything ready either (and the Saints lads looked like they were worried the cops were going to come bursting in at any moment) but at least he said what Zara Philips should have said: “this is particularly great for [enter minority sport here] and I hope you’ll all come and watch it a bit more” or words to that effect.
My own personal highlight was in realising that the person (outside Phil Taylor, who for the time being at least has an “athletic prowess” handicap as far as the suffrage is concerned) who should have won hands down (Joe Calzaghe) didn’t get to the podium. After a weekend where the ancient and stupid sport of boxing had enjoyed something of a resurgence on our TV screens (with commentators talking as if it had never been away) it was good to see that it is still so unpopular that a fish-faced gymnast and a royal on a pony get more votes than a bona fide boxing world champion. The only trouble is, it’s the monarchy that’s battling it out with boxing (and Miss World) to be crowned the most ancient and stupid thing of all. So there’s a bit to do yet.