Society

Does your mother know that you’re out?

To judge from his byline photograph, the Independent‘s Johann Hari has not yet started shaving and his balls haven’t yet dropped. Like police officers, it’s hard to take entirely seriously columnists who get younger with every passing month. But I like to persevere with him when he’s ripping the piss out of the Tories.

George Osborne has indicated he would like to “move” on inheritance tax, which he says – with compassionate fawn-eyes – is “putting pressure on the middle class”. In reality, only the richest 6 per cent pay inheritance tax. These are people such as Osborne himself, who inherited millions from his family, and virtually everybody else David Cameron knows. His “move” would be simply an Old Tory massive tax cut for the wealthy.

He’s wrong about “Old Tory”: he means “Thatcherite”. It’s a small but important distinction and an error that can be forgiven in one so callowly youthful.

Cameron has been given a ludicrously soft ride, with every piece of spin taken at face value by an awe-swept media… When one of Cameron’s policy researchers declared his opposition to relative poverty and his love for Polly Toynbee, it made front-page news. Hardly anybody bothered to read Cameron’s big poverty speech that followed, which explicitly stated that Cameron would do nothing about incomes soaring into the stratosphere at the top. By definition, then, he will not do anything about relative poverty. He directly contradicted himself, but nobody called him on it.

I’m not sure about that. Let’s be honest: anybody declaring love for Polly Toynbee has to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Where Cameron’s thinking is not filled with holes in this way, it amounts merely to a rebranding of old Tory nostrums. Small-state conservatives have always said cutting taxes will stimulate private charity. Without the Big Daddy of the state there to take charge, we will start to look out for each other, they argue, and poverty will fall. Cameron calls it “rolling forward the frontiers of society”.

Danny Kruger, one of Cameron’s advisers, calls this stress on fraternité (rather than égalité) “Cameron’s big idea”. But it is very old, and it has been tested a thousand times. In the years Margaret Thatcher was in power and sawing into state expenditure, the number of children living in poverty trebled, and – according to the definitive London School of Economics study – their chances of ever making themselves rich collapsed. Fraternité didn’t grow; it haemorrhaged away. Once again, the evidence shows that without explicit redistribution, the poorest become trapped.

Yet the few symbols of redistribution introduced by the present government are explicitly opposed by Cameron. He talks ominously of “moving beyond tax credits” and he is committed to abolishing SureStart, the programme that supports the poorest parents in Britain and helps make sure their kids keep up developmentally with their middle- class cousins. Cameron calls it “a model of state failure”; easy to say when you can afford two full-time nannies, I suppose.

And then the alarm clock went off and I woke up and it was a dream.

I may have made up that last sentence.

National Express

George Monbiot: I’m all for putting more vehicles on our roads. As long as they’re coaches in today’s Guardian.

The M25 has 790 miles of lanes. If these are used by cars carrying the average load of 1.6 occupants, at 60mph the road’s total capacity is just – wait for it – 19,000 people. Coaches travelling at the same speed, each carrying 30 passengers, raise the M25′s capacity to 260,000. Every coach swallows up a mile of car traffic. They also reduce carbon emissions per passenger mile by an average of 88%.

Finally, someone has noticed Emperor Eddington’s new threads.  As ever, Monbiot addresses the real issue without the encumbrance of the straitjacket of party politics.

Ticket To Ride

Sir Rod Eddington‘s report into the future of the UK’s transport infrastructure seems to have drawn remarkably little media flak.

Personally, I find it odd that the task of developing the blueprint for UK transport was handed to the man whose Chief Executive high-back, leather chair at British Airways was still warm from his butt cheeks.

It seems to me a bit like, for example, recruiting the sitting Chief Executive of Virgin Trains to become both the Chairman and Chief Executive of the Strategic Rail Authority and then wondering why the SRA revoked the licence of Silverlink, the only direct competitor to Virgin Trains on the route between London and Birmingham.

Nevertheless, Sir Rodders has seen the future and – fuck me gently with a chainsaw – it involves masses more air travel and huge airport expansion. The airline industry, you will doubtless know, does not pay tax on aviation fuel, despite the proven damage it does to the planet.

Eddington says that air travellers should pay full environmental cost of their journey through taxes and surcharges. That’s air travellers, you note – not air carriers, who will presumably therefore still be free to fly half-empty planes around the globe with impugnity.

Eddington also says that he has found little evidence to support a truly high-speed rail link between London and the north. Not least because, at £200 for a Standard Class Open Return rail ticket between London and Manchester, it is now actually cheaper to fly between the UK’s first and third cities. And, given the shambolic state of the West Coast Main Line, it’s very nearly as quick to fly, too.

There is one part of Eddington’s report with which I agree: the re-regulation of buses outside London.  Deregulation was one of Thatcher’s maddest follies, made during that wild-eyed period when she seemed to have no clue what the day, month or year were.  Since deregulation we mere provincial mortals have seen bus routes slashed, fares spiral and timetables rendered increasingly meaningless.
There are no cheap, easy or painless answers to 40 years of underinvestment, corner-cutting and neglect: it’s going to cost a lot of money and take a lot of time to sort out the messes that are this country’s current road, bus and rail networks.  “New” Labour has wasted nine years and appears to have fudged yet another opportunity; let’s hope that the next Prime Minister – whoever he or she is – has the cojones to grasp the nettle properly and stand up to the air lobby.

Oh-oh, atomic

You know if nuclear power is so safe and our Government is so confident about building all these new nuclear power stations and nuclear powered and armed submarines?

Then why the Hell are they running around the country impounding planes and shutting down restaurants just because a bloke who died of nuclear poisoning flew on them or dined in them?

Just a thought.

Saw Jeremy Hardy tonight. A very funny man. He doesn’t like wasps either.  His description of Scary Ruth Kelly as the Buggery Czar was a particular highlight.

Dedication’s what you need

Roy Castle and Norris McWhirter would be proud of “New” Labour and its record-breaking efforts. I’m sure I remember as a kid watching someone on Record Breakers trying to get 40 people inside a Mini. Messrs. Blair, Straw, Blunkett, Clarke and Reid are attempting the same in Britain’s gaols:

  • 80,000 Prison population today. There are just 317 spare places.
  • 60 Pieces of legislation relating to criminal justice since Labour came to power in 1997.
  • 25,000 10-year rise in prison population.
  • £100,000 Cost of each new prison place.
  • 4,452 Female prisoners in 2004 compared with 1,804 in 1994
  • 10,089 Foreign national prisoners.
  • 78 Self-inflicted deaths in prison in 2005. There were 65 in 1997.

Tough on crime, not really all that arsed about the causes of crime.

Lord Ramsbotham, the former head of the prison service, today describes this approach as:

the Government’s headlong and self-induced race to absurdity as far as the conduct of imprisonment is concerned.

THIS, however, still remains The Best Criminal Justice Idea Floated By A Serving Home Office Minister In The World… Ever!(TM)

Hilary Benn plans to run for the deputy leadership of the Labour Party in 2007.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Marcel Bloody Berlins

Marcel Berlins doesn’t like the Borat movie. But he “admit[s] to laughing quite often because parts of it are very funny”. Jesus wept.

“My objection is to the exploitation of the… ignorant for the sake of a joke.”

Marcel, luv, if we can’t poke fun at the ignorant, then who the Hell is fair game?

“What Borat did was to inveigle ordinary, harmless people into participating in what was promised to be a documentary; the real motive was to abuse their cooperation by making them the objects of ridicule… Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen’s character, managed to extract from a few of his pathetic victims some loutish behaviour and racist remarks; they may not have been nice people, but that hardly justifies the effort put in to make them look silly.”

So “ordinary, harmless people” are racist louts? Not where I live they’re not, Marcel.

And since when are we not allowed to make racist louts look silly? For what other reason do they exist? (Apart to beat savagely.)

Fuck me: and this man’s a lawyer, supposedly able to argue a case semi-coherently.

Wham! rap

David Conn seems to be the only journalist in the country who gives a damn about the fact that English club football is being bought out by chancers, spivs, crooks and shady foreign characters. The latest in his weekly string of scoops is that Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, The Man behind the man at West Ham, was once convicted of embezzlement.

Does this news not in any way concern the blazers at the FA?

How many more such buy-outs will have to happen before they introduce a “fit and proper persons” test for the owners of much-loved institutions that (usually) give so much to their local communities?

And why the fuck did the BBC allow Garry Richardson to masturbate Eggert Magnusson (Gudmundsson’s front man) on Radio Five Live’s Sportsweek last Sunday morning instead of asking some genuinely taxing questions about his organization’s intentions?

Who knows if there is much worth saving in This Septic Isle these days but surely some of the things that count the most cannot themselves be counted – however big the pile of £50 notes involved?