Chapter One

So this is very good news:

An atheist UK bus campaign which uses the slogan “There’s probably no God” does not breach the advertising code, a watchdog has ruled.

The Advertising Standards Authority said it assessed 326 complaints. Some claimed the wording was offensive to people who followed a religion.

But the body concluded the adverts were unlikely to mislead or cause widespread offence and closed the case.

HAHAHAHAHA, ALPHA COURSE DRONES!!!

Chapter Two

And this is very good news:

Ministers have shelved plans to exempt MPs’ expenses details from the Freedom of Information Act, after the Tories and Lib Dems said they would fight it.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown said the government had thought it had cross-party agreement but would now “continue to consult on the matter”.

Campaigners said it was a victory for “people power” after a web protest.

The Conservatives accused ministers of a “U-turn” while the Lib Dems said it was a “humiliating climbdown”.

MPs were due to vote on Thursday on plans to exempt their expenses from the Freedom of Information (FOI) Act.

Well, well, well.  Perhaps Arrivederci Gordon listened to Barry’s inauguaration address?

Those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account – to spend wisely, reform bad habits and do our business in the light of day – because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

What’s that?  Oh…

Labour MPs were to be ordered to vote through the changes, while the Tories and Lib Dems said they would instruct their MPs to vote against them.

Mr Brown was challenged about it by two Tory backbenchers at prime minister’s questions who asked why there “should there be one law for the people and another for politicians”.

At the start of PMQs Mr Brown told MPs there would be a free vote on the matter.

He said: “We thought we had agreement on the Freedom of Information Act as part of this wider package.”

“Recently that support that we believed we had from the main opposition party was withdrawn. On this particular matter, I believe all-party support is important and we will continue to consult on that matter.”

But less than an hour later the government said the plan would be shelved.

The Minister’s Parliamentary representative, one of the New Labour Cannon Fodder and a man I am sure I have slated before, had written in Sunday’s local newspaper about this vote before it was announced that Arrivederci had – to use the phrase du jour – “bottled it”.

MPs expenses are published annually and can be viewed by anyone on the web. The proposal considered this Thursday will improve this system and result in more detailed information being published, for instance, not just the overall cost of a London flat, but the amounts claimed for furniture etc. The proposals also close a dangerous loophole arising from the Freedom of Information judgement last year which would have resulted in wide availability of the addresses of MP’s London accommodation. This would have been helpful information for burglars, terrorists and nutters and I believe that it is sensible to withhold such details. What will not be withheld is the amount of money claimed. I am very much in support of clear information being made available so that my constituents can judge for themselves how I use the legitimate expenses of doing my job.

So now we know.  It’s all about nutters.

How very true that is, albeit in a manner my honourable friend perhaps did not anticipate.

Chapter Three

But this is a big, steaming crock of shit.

Britain’s train operators face a “potentially devastating” blow from the economic downturn and need government assistance to stave off disaster, public transport chiefs warned ministers yesterday.

The heads of the five largest train companies – Stagecoach, National Express, Go-Ahead, Arriva and FirstGroup – urged the transport secretary, Geoff Hoon, to consider shortening trains, rewriting the financial terms of franchise agreements and putting up state funding for an extra 1,000 staff across the rail network.

The unprecedented call for state help came in a meeting with Hoon in which the rail operators warned that rail contracts forged during an economic boom could soon become untenable.

Few things annoy the Minister more than the grasping scumballs who trouser massive public subsidies to run the “privatised” railways, while fleecing rail passsengers for every last brass farthing they possess, before announcing massive profits, paying out millions in dividends and awarding themselves huge bonusses for getting a packed train 100 miles in more time than it used to take when things ran on steam.

The very fattest of cats, next to whom Garfield stands in order to look slimmer.

While I would gladly throttle numpties like Sir Fred Goodwin and Sir Win Bischoff until just before the moment they expire, I am not sure I would let go quite so soon where the Chairmen and CEOs of “rail franchise operators” are concerned.

Given the staggering amount of tax I already pay, and the Godknowshowmuch amount of tax I am going to have to pay in the future to fund the current fashion of “£20 billion here, £30 billion there”, if a single penny more goes to this bunch of Chancers I might just go into meltdown.