I don’t think I have ever pitied another human being as much as I did Shilpa Shetty last night when she was ignominously delivered to the studio of Big Brother’s Big Mouth and assailed for 45 minutes by a torrent of ill-mannered, foul-mouthed innuendo bellowed at her by Russell Brand, The World’s Most Pointless Man (TM).

Still, at least he didn’t call her Shilpa Shitty, eh?