Hedonism (Just Because You Feel Good)
I am under doctor’s instructions not to get too worked up at the moment but there are times I really feel like posting a turd to Polly Toynbee.
She spends a thousand words in today’s Guardian trying to convince us that Britain’s politicians are a warm and cuddly, trustworthy and honest bunch and that we’ve all got the wrong end of the stick.
The £10 blue movie fiasco is an embarrassing error, but hardly a high crime. For years no spotlight shone in this dark corner.
First, Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can’t We? is the title of a Cranberries album, not a justification for fraud. What kind of fuckwitted political journalist accepts, “All is well; don’t worry your sweet little head about it…” as an explanation from anyone in authority?
Second, if I were to be caught making the “embarrassing error” of helping myself to £10 of goods from my local supermarket, I would be prosecuted for theft and, if convicted, fined and/or imprisoned and struck off the Solicitors’ Roll. Why is there one rule for me and another for Members of Parliament?
Third, the public dismay over Wacky Jacqui is not about £10 of (almost certainly poor quality) porn, or even the actuality of five pay-per-view movies at a total cost of £21. People are instead incensed by the £150,304 she has claimed for the cost of running a “second home” over the past eight years at the same time as trousering £141,866 in annual salary – particularly offensive when that “second home” is where her family actually lives.
It matters not one jot whether British politicians are less corrupt than their foreign peers: some of them are still gilding the lily unnecessarily and unethically at taxpayers’ expense. And that should be stamped out. Are you really so fucking thick that you don’t understand that?
Polly, luv: try and claim an annual £20,000 in household expenses from the Guardian Newspaper Group in addition to your very substantial salary and see what happens.
Better still, fiddle £21 in benefits. And then write us all a fragrant column from the Scrubs.
Stupid bint.
Now, where did I put those beta blockers?