What on earth is Great Britain coming to when a member of the Royal family – let alone the thickest of his generation – can no longer be handed a viable career in the Armed Services? Whither the British virtues of tolerance, fair play and rampant nepotism, to which we once held dear?

In some ways, this decision is not only sensible but is also admirably egalitarian: the Army (or whatever), having introduced a well-meaning plonker to the art of psychopathy and meaningless death, will now introduce him to a big old P45 and a life of limited opportunity. I think it’s important that Harry make a positive start by trying to grow some facial hair, getting obnoxiously drunk and selling his medals on eBay.

How’s a half-witted lug with A-levels in Art and Geography meant to spend the next sixty years? I think that the answer may lie in the field of charity work - possibly abroad in places that are often quite sunny. But what do I know?