“Surgery. Good afternoon.”
“Hello. I’ve been waiting three weeks to hear about a referral. Just wondering how things are going, please?”
“Oh. Right. What’s your name?”
“It’s [The Minister of Truth].”
“Hold the line a moment, please.”
“No problem.”
[lengthy pause, accompanied by delightful, soothing pan pipe music]
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“That’s OK.”
“Unfortunately, I can’t find the information I’m looking for.”
“Oh. Right. What information is that, then?”
“Your notes.”
“Ah.”
“Ye-ah…”
“That’s not good, is it?”
“No-oo… What was the referral for?”
“To see a neurologist.”
“Oh.”
“Hmm…”
“Can I take your phone number, please? I think I need to have a word with the doctor.”
The official advice if you have a headache is to seek medical help if it persists for more than a few days.
I’ve had a headache for ten months.
If they eventually find something wrong, I’m going to take great huge pleasure in bankrupting four of my surgery’s five partners.

