The Ministry Of Truth

The Two Minutes Hate will commence momentarily


SMIP #4: The Day I Met Marie by Cliff Richard

By BigBrother, on October 30th, 2007, 1:12 pm.

Marie with the laughing eyes,
She tossed her hair and tantalised.
She came, she touched me, then she’d gone
Just like a summer breeze.
Chorus and brass band break
(0:54-1:11)

The SMIP project is proving illuminating in ways I hadn’t expected. Much of the (painstaking, time consuming) work is, of course, going on behind the Ministry’s doors and will come to light in good time or under the 30 year rule (whichever is the sooner).

But, by way of example, re-listening to things I haven’t heard for a while has demonstrated that one’s memory can all too easily play tricks on you. A decade ago, I’d have given you a Chinese burn had you dared to suggest that Good Enough by Dodgy or The Bluetones’ Slight Return were anything other than SMIPfests from start to finish.

They are not.

By Christ, they are not.

Oh, no. (And just trust me on this one: you really don’t want to go there…)

The most unexpected SMIP to date arose from a throwaway remark a few weeks ago by the Minister’s Wife about the trombone being one of the most under-appreciated instruments in rock music.

The Minister’s Wife was - as always - absolutely right. And it set me on a journey through the darker recesses of my iTunes Library to dig out some examples.

The first that sprang to mind was Neil Diamond’s first hit, Solitary Man. I am, unashamedly, a loud and proud Diamond fan. I don’t care what jibes are thrown at the Vegas kitsch cabaret act he has become - although I refer critics of said Diamond incarnation to his last album, 12 Songs (his best in 30 years), to learn precisely what songwriting is all about - but between 1966 and 1973 Neil Diamond wrote some of the best pop and rock songs ever and his range of work (eg his African Trilogy from 1970’s Tap Root Manuscript album) was as diverse as anything lauded to the skies when Paul Simon did it 16 years later.

Some of those songs will feature as SMIPs in due course. Solitary Man has proven versatile and durable enough to have been interpreted by acts as diverse as Chris Isaak, Johnny Cash, pseudo-metalheads HIM and bluegrass revivalists Crooked Fingers in just the past seven years. The original version remains the best, however, with a pair of trombones adding light and shade through the chorus and bridge of one of the darkest lyrics of Diamond’s career.

Then I recalled Together Alone by Crowded House, taken from the 1993 album of the same name. The SMIP in this particular track lies elsewhere (patience, children) but the simple sound of the brass ensemble - particularly in the context of underpinning the rest of this song’s arrangement - is particularly affecting.

Then the Minister’s Wife, in an act of wanton cruelty, forced him to sit through the “third season finale” of the execrable Grey’s Anatomy the other day. Featuring prominently on the show’s soundtrack was Within You from Ray LaMontagne’s second album, Till The Sun Turns Black.

While LaMontagne luckily falls within that sacred category of People Who Could Sing The Phone Book And Make It Sound Gorgeous, a small brass ensemble - alongside a string arrangement Sir George Martin would admire - in this instance enhances an audaciously simple song and trite lyric (”War is not the answer: the answer is within you. Love, love, love.” Repeat to fade.) to create an aural experience that is far from unpleasant.

Finally, however, the trombone/brass band SMIP emerged from no lesser figure than Sir Clifford of Richard (© Smash Hits, 1984) himself.

In 1967 Hank Marvin wrote a simple little song called The Day I Met Marie. Being unable to hold a tune himself, Hank handed it to his mate Cliff, whose producer arranged it to incorporate a prominent brass band.

From an initially inauspicious opening of acoustic guitar, bass and Cliff’s ever-fragile vocal on the first verse (0:08-0.35), first trombone (at 0:28) and then trumpet (from 0:33) gently lift the second verse above the mundane until, at 0:46, a tuba begins to propel singer, musicians and listener inexorably towards the first chorus (at 0:54) and our SMIP.

And yes, the churlish could legitimately claim that a brass ensemble’s presence on a Cliff Richard record three years after he became born again raises too many Salvation Army marching band connotations for comfort, but the bottom line is that the chorus of this song is effortlessly infectious.

The sustained tuba bass notes that end the bridge (1:18-1:29) add a further little frisson of melodrama while Cliff tries to sing convincingly about being kissed by a woman.

It also helps that songs only lasted two minutes back in the Sixties. Because, after a quick third verse (1:31-1:53) and a second, less pulsating and slightly anticlimactic chorus (1:53-2:02), it’s all over.

And we smile.

And we move on.

The very essence - if you will permit me my Paul Morley moment - of simply great pop music.

The record briefly made number ten in September 1967, the great British public once more spectacularly fucking it up by choosing to put Engelbert Humperdinck’s noxious The Last Waltz at number one for about eight months.

Cliff formally split from The Shadows in 1968 before leading the United Kingdom to Eurovision failure with the heinous Congratulations. He would barely make another listenable record until he stumbled upon Miss You Nights and Devil Woman in quick succession in 1976.

Before directing you to YouTube, I would urge you to remember to listen to the song and not, er, watch the “dancing” in this clip of Cliff lip synching The Day I Met Marie in 1967:

To discover what the song sounds like when The Shadows themselves perform it (with Hank gamely singing lead, bless him) and how SMIP status genuinely necessitates a coming together of the right musicians, producer, arranger and performer at the right time and in the right manner, check out this surreal little clip from 1968 Australian TV:

6 Comments »

Famous grey raincoat

By BigBrother, on October 29th, 2007, 5:01 pm.

Yes, I know I was going to write another SMIP, but what’s a Minister to do when he receives a birthday present like this?

1 Comment »

Green and pleasant land

By BigBrother, on October 26th, 2007, 2:32 pm.

There really are times when, in the immortal words of Elvis Costello and The Attractions, “I would rather be anywhere else than here today.”

Man jailed for urinating on [dying] woman

and

A woman who murdered her disabled daughter and then killed herself had previously reported several cases of anti-social behaviour [against them]

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How do you think I’m going to get along, without you by my side

By bearded_baby, on October 25th, 2007, 10:44 pm.

So, farewell then Martin Jol. Quite frankly it says something about the man that he put up with the management he received for so long given that they had already agreed to pay him £4 million smackers (MoT’s passim). I’d like to say he was let down by the players, and I’d say 80% he was. But then again spunking £16 million on Bent really is setting yourself up for a fall.

On related matters, can the remarks of Archie Knox be noted. He said he had no interest in the Bolton job because he was 60 and therefore too old to commit to Bolton for the length of time they deserved. He may never have been a serious candidate, but at least he was willing to think about the long-term future of a club before the money got talking.

3 Comments »

The Lesser Free Trade Hall’s got a lot to answer for

By BigBrother, on October 24th, 2007, 8:45 pm.

Simply Red to split.

You’ll understand, I am sure, that the Ministry will now be closed for an indefinite period of mourning.

1 Comment »

Bungle, George and Zippy

By BigBrother, on October 23rd, 2007, 9:07 pm.

Been a bit blue lately so been a bit quiet lately.

Plus, between you and me, you wouldn’t believe the trouble the Ministry has been having with spambots.

So the old girl has been undergoing a bit of a behind-the-scenes facelift, hence the occasional appearance in recent days of a Maintenance Mode screen greeting visitors.

The Ministry is now running WordPress 2.3. Hell, yeah. I knew that would impress you. (Actually, it should: the ‘Advanced’ tab of the improved posting interface means it’s lemon squeazy to insert really cool characters like ?, ? and ?. I have no use for them but - hey, who cares? And you can now underline text and change text colour really easily - and very annoyingly. I really need to get a life.)

And the Ministry engaged some management consultants to undertake an efficiency audit of its security services, leading to the outsourcing of spam handling solutions to Spam Karma 2.3. Eat that, spambots. And shove your v.I.a.G.r.A. up your arse.

So if this cures the spam problem I might get some time later in the week to write and post another SMIP.

Hasn’t it got cold all of a sudden?  I hope you’re all wearing your vests.

1 Comment »

Sorry seems to be the hardest word…

By julesallen, on October 20th, 2007, 10:18 pm.

Not to be opened before 17 October 2007

Late, and crap. But there it is. Once the Royal Mail get their act together you should be getting something “flying through your door”. You know. Like a bluebird.

1 Comment »

Moneyfunsters

By BigBrother, on October 18th, 2007, 8:22 pm.

This is true: Swearing at work can ‘cut stress’.

And, far from this being another rant about university “researchers” pissing shitloads of taxpayers’ cash up a fucking rope, don’t just take the Minister’s potty mouth for it:

No Comments »

I was born for nothing, mostly

By BigBrother, on October 18th, 2007, 6:47 pm.

Yesterday was the Minister’s 36th birthday. In the overall scheme of things, this is not a big deal: the Civil Service don’t get a day off or anything like that.

Nevertheless - and particularly as I am an only Minister - I had expected my mother to be on top of the whole “17th of October” thing.

Last weekend she insisted I was turning 37 this year. Yesterday, despite us having a conversation, she didn’t actually remember to wish me a happy birthday.

So the Minister is glum. In fact, the Minister is having something of a Sixteen Candles moment:

Dear, sweet Molly…

Talking of which, I’m still only just getting into the whole YouTube thing really, but increasing chunks of my time are being eaten up by surfing to things like The Breakfast Club In 60 Seconds:

36.

Thirty bloody six.

I’m sure I was only 24 just the other week.

No Comments »

With two swingin’ honeys for every guy all you have to do is just wink your eye

By BigBrother, on October 16th, 2007, 1:31 pm.

There was a song in the early 60s called Surf City by Jan and Dean.  (It was co-written by Brian Wilson.)

Its refrain was: “Two girls for every boy.”

Putting to one side the 45-year-old, outdated, chauvinistic, downright greedy and - if taken to its logical conclusion - orgyistic and bigamistic sentiments of that popular hit parade tune’s lyrics for one moment, today the ratio of secretaries to lawyers in the legal department in which I work is 3:2.

Tomorrow it’ll be 3:1.

I’ll be the 1, alone in the office on my birthday.

One can’t help but think something’s gone tits up in the planning here…

No Comments »