Diary of the wet days by Armando Iannucci.

Monday I wake to scenes of natural devastation. All around me I see flood victims weeping, and all of them saying one thing: Why isn’t David Cameron here? Some of them, stuck in their upstairs bedrooms, have improvised makeshift signs from wallpaper and blood, spelling out IT’S IMPERATIVE THE LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION IS IN THIS COUNTRY TO TELL US WHAT HE’D DO IF HE WAS IN CHARGE.