Today, the Minister’s Wife dragged me across county boundaries to look at modern art.

It was particularly offensive modern art (“Ooh, look – a green stripe and a blue stripe!”) and I therefore was heard to grumble more than once about ‘chancers’, ‘bollocks’ and ‘utter shite’.  Indeed, by the end of our visit, in the Museum Shop I thought I should probably make amends.

“I will buy you anything on the table,” I said, thinking that the Minister’s Wife would pick perhaps a couple of the 85p postcards, a 55p bookmark and a £2.50 fridge magnet.

The Minister’s Wife beamed as she picked up the £55 hardback exhibition catalogue and carried it to the cash register.

Howard Hodgkin, you cunt.  No more Mr. Nice Guy.