Earlier today I completed my third 24-hour urine test.

This time the 5-litre plastic container came with a set of instructions.

At this point I should say that the 5-litre plastic container is not entirely empty on collection; it contains an amount of sulfamic acid, so you have to be a bit careful with it.

My local hospital has produced a photocopied A4 sheet that amounts to six different ways of saying, “DON’T STICK YOUR TODGER IN THE PLASTIC CONTAINER WITH ACID IN IT!”

No shit, Mr. Health & Safety…

Anyway, two more election leaflets today.  The Labour one, like the Tory one last week, went straight in the bin.  Curiously, however, we did read every word of the BNP leaflet before recycling it, just out of fascination.

The British National Party leaflet was the one featuring the Italian pensioners and the American workers.  Got to laugh, haven’t you?

What struck us was that not only were the testimonials fake, but the leaflet didn’t mention any BNP candidates’ names, or feature their photographs.  Nice to know that the nasty racists standing in our area are so secure in their nasty racism that they won’t even associate their selves with it.

One of the “fun” parts of being signed off work until I die or 5 June (whichever is the sooner) is recording lots of guff on the Sky+ box and watching it.

So today I’ve watched Gregory’s Girl (still magnificent after nearly – gulp – 30 years) and, courtesy of the strangely named channel Zone Romantica, the first two episodes of the – gulp – 26-year-old The Thorn Birds.

Armed with a laptop, Wikipedia and Google I determined while watching said mini-series that this…

…subsequently turned into this…

It was tough enough on the 12-year-old Minister back in 1983 when she turned into this:

It all cast a whole new perspective on Father Ralph de Bricassart‘s urges, I can tell you.

Talking of Sky+, I have this evening left the Minister’s Wife watching Mike Gatting, Kay Burley, Dave Rowntree of Blur and Pattie Boyd playing Celebrity Bridge.

Once again for clarity, that’s Celebrity Bridge.

On Sky Arts 2.

Baise-moi.